Gemdar, my best friend

March 11, 2010 When I said goodbye to Gemdar on August 12, 2009 I promised him I would be back in a year. I told him going to Korea was something I had to do. That I wasn't abandoning him or leaving him. I would be back and I would never leave him again. I promised that he'd be taken care of, groomed, and ridden. He wouldn't even notice I was gone. I told him it would be like when I was in university and could only come home once a month, only this time the month would last a lot longer. I told him Classy would keep him company and they would become friends. I told him all the new things I wanted to teach to him. I didn't know that the last time I hugged him, smelled his neck, pat him, and kissed him goodbye that it would be my final goodbye and I would never again see my boy.
Almost exactly seven months to the day I said goodbye - only off by one day - my Mom broke the news that Gem had suddenly died. No warning, no signs, no indication he was living his last day. An otherwise perfectly healthy horse dropped dead. My horse. My boy. My best friend. The one I told my secrets too. The one I cried on. The one who I enjoyed company with the most was gone.
the past seven months, whenever someone asked me if I missed my family I'd say "not really". Usually they were surprised and I'd tell them that I get to talk to them on webcam quite frequently and being able to see them and talk to them helps me not miss them as much as I would if I never got to talk to them. The next question would usually be "what do you miss most then?" My answer: Gem. I had three pets of my own when I left for Korea. My fish, Alex, died three weeks after I left. Dustie, my cat, I get to see on webcam and though I miss her, seeing her helps. Gem, I haven't seen for seven months. Now I'll never get to see him again.
That night was the worst night of my life. It was the news I least expected to hear. It's torn me up inside. I've cried all the tears I have. There's nothing left. The bond between Gem and I isn't something that can come overnight or even in a few meetings. We spent a lot of time together over the years. I know his every mood, how he'll act in every single situation, and what's best for him. No one knows him like I do and yet, I wasn't there for him in his last months. I regret that. But at the same time, all those years we had together can't be traded for anything.
I'll never have another horse like Gem.